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Thursday, 20 August 2009

  • breathe in...

    God is doing a mighty thing to this life of mine. I never thought that teaching could expose every weakness of mine the way it has... pride, lack of confidence, lack of humility, lack of patience (and other fruits), lack of the ability to trust him completely, lack of admitting my need for him (goes along with pride)... It's so overwhelming... not just my job.. but all of these issues staring back at me every single day... It's a blessing.

    I've never been more aware of who I am at this very moment... I've often had this perception in my head that I already am who I want to be.. and I'm far from it. My heart is in the right place (so i think)... but I have yet to follow its lead. I'm so excited to see how God is going to shape and mold me over the course of this next year.

    Abba, I am but a child... in need of direction, of discipline, of love. I am broken.. I am desperate.. I am so very thirsty.. You have called me to this passage and I will follow the path you have made for me. I am tired.. I am weak.. and I feel like I am of very little use... But I am a vessel.. eager to be filled to the brim with You. So fill me... use me.. make me a blessing to those I meet.. Show me how very present you are.. even when I feel like I'm sinking in the chaos. How sweet it is to be loved by you.... :)


Sunday, 16 August 2009

  • 4th Grade

    I am officially a 4th grade teacher who has just finished her first full week of classes. All I have to say... is WOW. WOW in the sense that I have the greatest kids who make me laugh and feel validated.. WOW in the sense that I will not have a life for the next year...WOW in the sense that the paperwork we're required to do is rigorous and disheartening... and WOW to the fact that I've experienced more stress in the past two weeks than I EVER felt in my college experience. That's a pretty exaggerative thing to say.. however, I am not exaggerating. The stress has nearly lead me to vomiting. I have lost my hair, my appetite, and my sanity in some cases.... but i've pressed on.

    I don't know what I would do without my friend Marie. She is a new teacher as well right next door to me... She has pulled me along and helped get me organized.. We are already fast friends and that makes my heart happy. She is incredible and honestly I'd be lost without her. She has kept me calm.. and has helped me stay afloat. I'd venture to say that she is the main reason I enjoy my job. That accountability is so important to me.. she keeps me on my toes.. When I finally get my head above water, I'll be able to contribute more to our friendship. lol Right now.. I'm just trying to survive.

    I love my kids. I have 25 amazingly awesome kids with the coolest personalities... some that tend to get them in trouble... but are appreciated nonetheless.... I love our class culture... It's soooo unique. Some kids aren't sure as to what to think about me. Others want me to be their best friend. Others act too cool for school, and most really want to do good. I love it. Its stressful having to think of everything on top of teaching them.. but they make it worth it. I'm happy when I see them in the morning. Even when they make me mad.... they are always quick to make me smile. I love them mucho mucho. :) I am just ready to get my head above water, catch my breath, and start learning how to swim in this crazy place.

    To think that I'm a teacher... responsible for 25 kids..... other than myself. lol. WOW

Saturday, 25 July 2009

  • Be anxious for nothing, and Trust Him.

    Soooo I got a big girl job. Teaching 6th graders, I will be. :)

    God is good. I showed up monday to drop off my resume and meet one of the teachers. An hour after I dropped off my resume, I got called in for an interview the following day. YAY!

    NEXT DAY I show up for the interview having prepared a quite impressive portfolio (that I never got to show her) and talked with the principal, assist. principal, and the lead teacher. I wasn't as nervous as I thought I'd be but I was still slightly uneasy. The questions were fun and my answers ended up being funny (unintentionally). I had a lot of fun fora good 45 minutes of them prying at my brain. The principal told me that she didn't have an opening just yet but she thought that there was a little chance that something might open after school starts. I said "Okay" with a smile, thanked them for seeing me, shook their hands, and left.

    15 minutes later (no lie), I get a call from the principal. "Lauren, it must be our lucky day. How would you like to teach 6th grade?" .... Without any shred of dignity in my voice, I squealed as I said, "Yes ma'am! Of course!! That'd be wonderful!!" She laughed at me.. but then told me I'd be called in for paperwork and would soon see my room that I will be teaching in.

    haha What a great chain of events. I am so excited about it. I didn't want to live on the coast but now that I am, I'm totally ecstatic about it.

    These are the verses I prayed that week that I truly believe gave me a peace:

    "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything, by prayer and supplication, let your requests be made known to God. And the Peace of God which surpasses all understanding will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

    "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In ALL your ways acknowledge him, and He will direct your paths."
    Proverbs 3:5-6

    I'm so grateful for what God has done. So grateful.

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

  • A story...

    So I told God the plans I had for my life and He listened intently. I used elaborate details and vivid description. I explained to Him my hearts deepest desires and "needs" and the goals I had set for various stages of my existence. At the end of my story, He sat there in silence simply contemplating the words I'd spoken, weighing them out carefully and taking consideration of my infantile ability to plan. I'm sure He found it adorable.

    Then He smiled ever so slightly. I was pleased because, that meant that it could work out. Pride began to swell within me because my plans made sense.. AND it had every opportunity to give Him glory, while doing things I loved. How could He deny that I was on to something? My plan was flawless!

    Then.. he chuckled. My smile switched into a different gear, one of uncertainty. Why was He laughing at me? All of my insecurities welled up within me in one swift wave and my eyes began to water. He continued to chuckle and my emotions shifted to something else. Frustration. Why would He laugh at me? So I began TELLING Him what my plans were again and arguing on behalf of every dream I'd ever conjured. I was relentless. He sat there ever so patiently and listened as I complained and ranted and argued, simply smiling.

    I gave up.

    "Are you finished?" He gently asked.

    "Yes..." I replied.. defeated and exhausted. My heart sunk, along with my expression. I was humiliated. The tears began to fall.

    "My child..." He started. He drew me close to himself and cradled me at His chest. "I need you to understand something. Your plans are not laughable, My love. I do not laugh because they are ridiculous or because they are extreme. I laugh because I'm excited for the opportunity to show you what dreaming is all about. The plans that I have for you are beyond any dream you could ever imagine. Your best efforts will fall so short compared to what I have in store for you. Trust me, My love.. and I promise that you, too, will one day laugh at the plans you made.. because I have something so much better in mind."

    I listened intently as He whispered and my heart grew warm. I was ashamed of how I'd behaved. "Forgive me, Abba." He squeezed me as He continued to cradle me. "God," I started, unsure of how to really ask what I was thinking. He had already begun smiling, knowing what I was going to ask. "is it absurd to keep hoping and dreaming for the things I enjoy?"

    "My dear, I created you in MY image. I'm the biggest dreamer there is." He smiled as He stretched His arms out, pointing out all His creation. "Dream big dreams. But remember to dream in MY WILL... because I guarantee you something greater than you could EVER imagine."

    I sat there thinking about what He had said--humbled yet encouraged. I wasn't sure what He had in mind. I didn't want to ask. I didn't know how everything would play out or whether or not I would get to do what I "thought" I wanted to do. I didn't know what to expect, what to think, or even what to say.

    ....

    "I trust you." I finally whispered.

    He chuckled as he tightened His bear hug. "You'll see. It's going to be INCREDIBLE."





Saturday, 18 July 2009

  • Jesus draw me....



    Jesus draw me ever nearer
    As I labor through the storm.
    You have called me to this passage
    And I'll follow, though I'm worn.

    May this journey bring a blessing
    May I rise on wings on faith,
    And at the end of my heart's testing
    With your likeness let me wake.

    Jesus guide me through the tempest
    Keep my spirit staid and sure
    when the midnight meets the morning
    Let me love You even more.

    May this journey bring a blessing
    May I rise on wings of faith,
    And at the end of my heart's testing
    With your likeness let me wake.

    Let the treasure of the triumph
    Form within me as I go
    And at the end of this long passage
    Let me leave them at your throne

    By Keith and Kristyn Getty

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Peanut218

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    • Name: Lauren
    • Country: United States
    • State: Mississippi
    • Metro: Hattiesburg
    • Gender: Female
    • Member Since: 12/11/2004

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